Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
JOAN RIVERSWhy should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: “Run your own race, put on your blinders.”
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If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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Better laid than never.
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Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, “Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia?” Shelia had died at birth.
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Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
JOAN RIVERS