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Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.

Joan Rivers

I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”
JOAN RIVERS

Date Fashion Marriage Mom Myself
I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
JOAN RIVERS

Alone Company Myself
I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, ‘Let me help you with those buttons’ and I told him, ‘I’m completely naked’.
JOAN RIVERS

Body Husband Marriage Myself Naked Night Sex
When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn’t wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
JOAN RIVERS

Change Decision Himself Husband Marriage Mindset Myself
We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
JOAN RIVERS

Death Food Funny Greatness Myself
If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
JOAN RIVERS

Funny God Himself
There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.
JOAN RIVERS

Book Different Education Help Misfortune
A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.
JOAN RIVERS

Dog Funny Study Young
If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
JOAN RIVERS

Fun Right Yourself
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
JOAN RIVERS

Alive Bad Care Enjoyment Goodness Life Myself
Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
JOAN RIVERS

Attraction Change Death Greatness People Place Thinking Young
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS

Cook Food Man Marriage Responsibility Sex Woman
Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
JOAN RIVERS

Process Worry
If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
JOAN RIVERS

Deal Laugh Yourself
She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Herself Stupidity Understand War World
With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
JOAN RIVERS

Age Female Need Wisdom Yourself

Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.

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Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.

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