Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERSIf you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.
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If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.
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Here’s a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.
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Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.
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If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, “Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia?” Shelia had died at birth.
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Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
JOAN RIVERS






