Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
JOAN RIVERSSome women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.
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We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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I have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.
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Moving on is a gift you give yourself.
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I’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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Better laid than never.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
JOAN RIVERS






