black
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.

Joan Rivers

Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
JOAN RIVERS

Process Worry
I use a smoke alarm as a timer.
JOAN RIVERS

Myself Smoke Time
Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
JOAN RIVERS

Darkness Hard Time Optimism Positive Present Success Thinking
I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
JOAN RIVERS

Born Myself Room
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
JOAN RIVERS

Body Memories Myself Women
My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.
JOAN RIVERS

Children Guilty Herself Humor Letter Mother Myself People Sorry
Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
JOAN RIVERS

Blame Head Heart Love Myself Sex
Here’s a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.
JOAN RIVERS

Enough Thankful Yourself
If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
JOAN RIVERS

Believe Greatness Marriage People Scare
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
JOAN RIVERS

Inspirational Memories Myself Success Talk Thinking
Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
JOAN RIVERS

Attraction Change Death Greatness People Place Thinking Young
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
JOAN RIVERS

Enjoyment Fast Life Stay Strong Wrong
I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
JOAN RIVERS

Hell Holy Water
A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year – and has yet to receive a Mother’s Day card from one of them.
JOAN RIVERS

Animal Born Mom Oneself
The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.
JOAN RIVERS

Act Listening Rule Survive Thinking Yourself
If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
JOAN RIVERS

Fun Right Yourself

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.

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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.

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