We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
JOAN RIVERSWe don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up – and gay men should stand up at least halfway.
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Moving on is a gift you give yourself.
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Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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Better laid than never.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
JOAN RIVERS