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We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.

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Joke Laughter See Sorry Yourself

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
JOAN RIVERS

Death Food Funny Greatness Myself
Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up – and gay men should stand up at least halfway.
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Believe Fashion Myself Respect Woman
Moving on is a gift you give yourself.
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Gift Move On Yourself
Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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Advice Feeling Goodness Mindset Thinking Wisdom Yourself
On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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Eat Food Yourself
Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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Bed Country God Limitation Sky Thankful
Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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Happiness Money Pay Yourself
Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
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Enjoyment Philosophy Yourself
Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.
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Adventure Excitement Laughter Moments Travel Worst Yourself
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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Cook Food Man Marriage Responsibility Sex Woman
On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
JOAN RIVERS

Eat Food Yourself
Better laid than never.
JOAN RIVERS

Better One Liner Sex
Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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Age Breathe Funny Happiness Inspiration One Liner
You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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Deep Inspirational Kill Time Yourself
My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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Children Early Memories Myself Parents
To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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Negative Perspective Thinking Train

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