My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.
JOAN RIVERSWe don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius’ bathroom floor.
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Moving on is a gift you give yourself.
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If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
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Grandchildren can be annoying – how many times can you go: “And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink”? It’s like talking to a supermodel.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.
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The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.
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Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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I use a smoke alarm as a timer.
JOAN RIVERS