Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
JOAN RIVERSJust remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
JOAN RIVERSDon’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
JOAN RIVERSIf you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
JOAN RIVERSOn the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
JOAN RIVERSI said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.
JOAN RIVERSMy earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
JOAN RIVERSLife goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
JOAN RIVERSI hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
JOAN RIVERSFlorida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
JOAN RIVERSWhen you first get married, they open the car door for you. Eighteen years now…once he opened the car door for me in the last four years – we were on the freeway at the time.
JOAN RIVERSI’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.
JOAN RIVERSAt my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
JOAN RIVERSMy mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.
JOAN RIVERSLife is so tough. I don’t know how old you are, but I’ve seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.
JOAN RIVERSYou know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
JOAN RIVERSIf you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
JOAN RIVERS