A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.
JOAN RIVERSI told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.
JOAN RIVERS -
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
JOAN RIVERS -
I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
JOAN RIVERS -
Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
JOAN RIVERS -
My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
JOAN RIVERS -
My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, “Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia?” Shelia had died at birth.
JOAN RIVERS -
Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
JOAN RIVERS -
On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
JOAN RIVERS -
Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.
JOAN RIVERS -
You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
JOAN RIVERS -
Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
JOAN RIVERS -
I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
JOAN RIVERS -
To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
JOAN RIVERS -
I use a smoke alarm as a timer.
JOAN RIVERS -
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
JOAN RIVERS