You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
JOAN RIVERSI told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
JOAN RIVERS -
Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
JOAN RIVERS -
Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
JOAN RIVERS -
Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
JOAN RIVERS -
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
JOAN RIVERS -
When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
JOAN RIVERS -
If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
JOAN RIVERS -
I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
JOAN RIVERS -
Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up – and gay men should stand up at least halfway.
JOAN RIVERS -
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
JOAN RIVERS -
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
JOAN RIVERS -
The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius’ bathroom floor.
JOAN RIVERS -
If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
JOAN RIVERS -
The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.
JOAN RIVERS -
You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.
JOAN RIVERS