If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
JOAN RIVERSI told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Better laid than never.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
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You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
JOAN RIVERS -
Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.
JOAN RIVERS -
I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
JOAN RIVERS -
There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
JOAN RIVERS -
To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.
JOAN RIVERS -
My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
JOAN RIVERS -
I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
JOAN RIVERS -
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.
JOAN RIVERS -
I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
JOAN RIVERS