I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
JOAN RIVERSYou have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
-
-
Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
JOAN RIVERS -
Better laid than never.
JOAN RIVERS -
Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
JOAN RIVERS -
When you first get married, they open the car door for you. Eighteen years now…once he opened the car door for me in the last four years – we were on the freeway at the time.
JOAN RIVERS -
I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
JOAN RIVERS -
My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.
JOAN RIVERS -
If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
JOAN RIVERS -
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
JOAN RIVERS -
Old age is always ten years more than we are.
JOAN RIVERS -
I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
JOAN RIVERS -
When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
JOAN RIVERS -
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS -
I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
JOAN RIVERS -
I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
JOAN RIVERS -
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.
JOAN RIVERS