My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”
JOAN RIVERSMy daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.
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The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius’ bathroom floor.
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Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
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Elizabeth Taylor’s so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
JOAN RIVERS