On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
JOAN RIVERSMy daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”
More Joan Rivers Quotes
-
-
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
JOAN RIVERS -
Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.
JOAN RIVERS -
I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, ‘Let me help you with those buttons’ and I told him, ‘I’m completely naked’.
JOAN RIVERS -
Better laid than never.
JOAN RIVERS -
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
JOAN RIVERS -
On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
JOAN RIVERS -
I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
JOAN RIVERS -
I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
JOAN RIVERS -
Don’t cook. Don’t clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.
JOAN RIVERS -
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
JOAN RIVERS -
Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up – and gay men should stand up at least halfway.
JOAN RIVERS -
When you first get married, they open the car door for you. Eighteen years now…once he opened the car door for me in the last four years – we were on the freeway at the time.
JOAN RIVERS -
Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
JOAN RIVERS -
You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.
JOAN RIVERS -
I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
JOAN RIVERS