There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.
JOAN RIVERSMy daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
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You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, “Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia?” Shelia had died at birth.
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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn’t wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn’t get better. You get better.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.
JOAN RIVERS






