If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
JOAN RIVERSJust remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”
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Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.
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Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
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The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.
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Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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Here’s a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.
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I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
JOAN RIVERS