black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.

Joan Rivers

She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Herself Stupidity Understand War World
Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.
JOAN RIVERS

Goodness Hands Library Look Men Woman
Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
JOAN RIVERS

Darkness Hard Time Optimism Positive Present Success Thinking
When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
JOAN RIVERS

Fools Laughter Yourself
One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
JOAN RIVERS

Herself Oneself People Rebel Thinking Woman
On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
JOAN RIVERS

Daughter Down And Mother
Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.
JOAN RIVERS

Angry Comedy Yourself
My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”
JOAN RIVERS

Bond Daughter Family Mom Myself Relationship Talk Yourself
Here’s a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.
JOAN RIVERS

Enough Thankful Yourself
I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn’t get better. You get better.
JOAN RIVERS

Better Grief Myself
You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
JOAN RIVERS

Age Fashion Feeling Funny Gift Memories Old Yourself
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
JOAN RIVERS

Children Funny Myself Toys
I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”
JOAN RIVERS

Date Fashion Marriage Mom Myself
Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
JOAN RIVERS

Hard Time Remember Revenge Survive
A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.
JOAN RIVERS

Dog Funny Study Young
Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
JOAN RIVERS

Happiness Money Pay Yourself

If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Joan Rivers Quotes