I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
JOAN RIVERSI succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS -
I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
JOAN RIVERS -
Moving on is a gift you give yourself.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
JOAN RIVERS -
Elizabeth Taylor’s so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
JOAN RIVERS -
Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
JOAN RIVERS -
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
JOAN RIVERS -
Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
JOAN RIVERS -
Better laid than never.
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When you first get married, they open the car door for you. Eighteen years now…once he opened the car door for me in the last four years – we were on the freeway at the time.
JOAN RIVERS -
Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
JOAN RIVERS -
We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
JOAN RIVERS