If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
JOAN RIVERSI succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
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The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
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Don’t cook. Don’t clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.
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If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
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Better laid than never.
JOAN RIVERS