A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.
JOAN RIVERSI succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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Here’s a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.
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Life is so tough. I don’t know how old you are, but I’ve seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up – and gay men should stand up at least halfway.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
JOAN RIVERS