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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.

Joan Rivers

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Hell Herself Mom Myself
My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”
JOAN RIVERS

Bond Daughter Family Mom Myself Relationship Talk Yourself
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS

Cook Food Man Marriage Responsibility Sex Woman
My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, “Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia?” Shelia had died at birth.
JOAN RIVERS

Born Death Funny Hate Myself Parents
If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
JOAN RIVERS

Believe Greatness Marriage People Scare
Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
JOAN RIVERS

Process Worry
Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
JOAN RIVERS

Blame Head Heart Love Myself Sex
I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
JOAN RIVERS

Myself Oneself Thankful
If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
JOAN RIVERS

Fun Right Yourself
A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: “Run your own race, put on your blinders.”
JOAN RIVERS

Advice Myself Race Run Yourself
Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.
JOAN RIVERS

End Happiness Life Movie Stars Yourself
You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
JOAN RIVERS

Age Fashion Feeling Funny Gift Memories Old Yourself
I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Himself Husband Love Myself
The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.
JOAN RIVERS

Age Book Fashion Myself Woman
On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
JOAN RIVERS

Eat Food Yourself
I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
JOAN RIVERS

Cook Food Myself

I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.

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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.

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