A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.
JOAN RIVERSShe doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
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I’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.
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A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year – and has yet to receive a Mother’s Day card from one of them.
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Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.
JOAN RIVERS