My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”
JOAN RIVERSShe doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
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We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.
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I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.
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Moving on is a gift you give yourself.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, “Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia?” Shelia had died at birth.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
JOAN RIVERS