You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
GEORGE BURNSIf it’s a good script I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it.
More George Burns Quotes
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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
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I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now – I’m booked.
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Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
GEORGE BURNS