Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
GEORGE BURNSThe secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
More George Burns Quotes
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I look to the future because that’s where I’m going to spend the rest of my life.
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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.
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It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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How can I die? I’m booked.
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If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.
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Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up.
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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
GEORGE BURNS