Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up.
GEORGE BURNSThe secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
More George Burns Quotes
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How can I die? I’m booked.
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I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now – I’m booked.
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The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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If it’s a good script I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it.
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You’ve got to be honest; if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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It’s good to be here. At 98, it’s good to be anywhere.
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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
GEORGE BURNS






