It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
GEORGE BURNSI’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
More George Burns Quotes
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Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
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It’s good to be here. At 98, it’s good to be anywhere.
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I look to the future because that’s where I’m going to spend the rest of my life.
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I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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How can I die? I’m booked.
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now – I’m booked.
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I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
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You’ve got to be honest; if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
GEORGE BURNS