No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
FRAN LEBOWITZAsk your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
If you’re going to America, bring your own food.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
I must take issue with the term ‘a mere child’, for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
FRAN LEBOWITZ