To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.
FRAN LEBOWITZYou’re only as good as your last haircut.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
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In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
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Polite conversation is rarely either.
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I never met anyone who didn’t have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?
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Andy Warhol made fame more famous.
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Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
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The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
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I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
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All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
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Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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I must take issue with the term ‘a mere child’, for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
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When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.
FRAN LEBOWITZ






