If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
FRAN LEBOWITZChildren are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.
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Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.
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Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it is an old business procedure.
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The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
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Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.
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Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
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All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
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In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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Polite conversation is rarely either.
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Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
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Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.
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When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.
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You’re only as good as your last haircut.
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Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them.
FRAN LEBOWITZ