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If you’re going to America, bring your own food.

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I must take issue with the term ‘a mere child’, for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
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The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
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Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
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Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
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Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
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Scientists – the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.
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Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
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My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores.
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If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don’t teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.
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I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
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All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
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You can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
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If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
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Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it is an old business procedure.
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