Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
ERMA BOMBECKGiving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
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If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
ERMA BOMBECK