No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
ERMA BOMBECKMy second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
ERMA BOMBECK