It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
ERMA BOMBECKMaybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
ERMA BOMBECK