He who laughs lasts.
ERMA BOMBECKAs a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
ERMA BOMBECK