Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
ERMA BOMBECKAs a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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Success is outliving your failures.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
ERMA BOMBECK