Success is outliving your failures.
ERMA BOMBECKAs a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
ERMA BOMBECK