Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
ERMA BOMBECKFor years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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He who laughs lasts.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
ERMA BOMBECK