The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
ERMA BOMBECKChildren make your life important.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
ERMA BOMBECK