My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother’s hip replacement. Because, you know… You break it, you buy it.
EMO PHILIPSWhen deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn’t involve a magic spell.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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My girlfriend said, Emo, I’m seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
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My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn’t involve a magic spell.
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn’t have sex quite so often.
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All the nations of the earth must learn to live together in peace. Why be prejudiced against anyone because of their race, nationality, or creed? When there’s so many real reasons to hate others.
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there’s no tomorrow.
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I’ve been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I’m pleased to say I’ve won.
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I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don’t know I’m only using blanks.
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I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.
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My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.
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I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
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I took my grandmother to the emergency room. The doctor said that she was on an artificial life support system, and that although her brain was dead her heart was still beating. I though, “we’ve never had a democrat in the family before”.
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I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.
EMO PHILIPS






