When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I’d yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal… You have to let me in now.
EMO PHILIPSI got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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You know what I hate the most? People that imitate owls.
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All the nations of the earth must learn to live together in peace. Why be prejudiced against anyone because of their race, nationality, or creed? When there’s so many real reasons to hate others.
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I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
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I took my grandmother to the emergency room. The doctor said that she was on an artificial life support system, and that although her brain was dead her heart was still beating. I though, “we’ve never had a democrat in the family before”.
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I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don’t know I’m only using blanks.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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I used to get drunk every night until I puked. Finally I admitted, “I am a bulemic”.
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The IRS sent back my tax return saying I owed $800. I said If you’ll notice, I sent a paper clip with my return. Given what you’ve been paying for things lately, that should more than make up the difference.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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I’ve been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I’m pleased to say I’ve won.
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So I’m at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.
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I’m not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it?
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I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.
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When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas.
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
EMO PHILIPS