The only useful thing I ever learned in school was that if you spit on your eraser it erased ink.
DOROTHY PARKERThe only useful thing I ever learned in school was that if you spit on your eraser it erased ink.
DOROTHY PARKERBut I don’t give up; I forget why not.
DOROTHY PARKERThe cleverest woman on earth is the biggest fool on earth with a man.
DOROTHY PARKERI don’t know much about being a millionaire, but I’ll bet I’d be darling at it.
DOROTHY PARKERThe definition of eternity is two people and a ham.
DOROTHY PARKERMoney cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.
DOROTHY PARKERI like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours.
DOROTHY PARKERIf all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be at all surprised.
DOROTHY PARKERThere’s life for you. Spend the best years of your life studying penmanship and rhetoric and syntax and Beowulf and George Eliot, and then somebody steals your pencil.
DOROTHY PARKERPeople ought to be one of two things, young or dead.
DOROTHY PARKERFriends come and go but I wouldn’t have thought you’d be one of them.
DOROTHY PARKERDon’t feel bad when I die; I’ve been dead for a long time.
DOROTHY PARKERWriting well is the best revenge.
DOROTHY PARKERQuick!! Act as if nothing has happened!
DOROTHY PARKERRidicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.
DOROTHY PARKERI can’t write five words but that I change seven.
DOROTHY PARKER