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My mother was the sweetest lady who ever lived on this planet, but if you tried to tell her that Jesus wasn’t a Christian, she would stomp you to death.

Dick Gregory

Did you know that in New Orleans they still have brown bag parties? What’s that, you ask? You and I go to a party, and when we get to the door, there’s a brown bag hanging down from the ceiling, and if our skin is darker than the brown bag, we can’t go in.
DICK GREGORY

Darkness Oppression Ourselves Skin Togetherness Yourself
I never thought I’d see the day that I would see white folks as frightened, or more so than black folks was during the civil rights movement when we were in Mississippi.
DICK GREGORY

Black Myself People Right Scare See
America will tolerate the taking of a human life without giving it a second thought. But don’t misuse a household pet.
DICK GREGORY

Animal Human Life Tolerance
Makes you wonder. When I left St. Louis, I was making five dollars a night. Now I’m getting $5,000 a week — for saying the same things out loud I used to say under my breath.
DICK GREGORY

Breathe Night Wonderful Yourself
They told me there was very little racial prejudice in Hawaii. Like a woman is just a little bit pregnant.
DICK GREGORY

Myself Pregnant Woman
When I was a boy, I was taught never to use insulting expressions like, ‘I’ve been gypped,’ or, ‘He welshed on the deal.’
DICK GREGORY

Deal Expression Insult Man Myself
Revolution ain’t nothing but an extent of evolution; Evolution is a fact of nature.
DICK GREGORY

Nature Revolution
I’m not a comic. I’m a humorist.
DICK GREGORY

Career Laughter Myself
And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede.
DICK GREGORY

Dance Love War
Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned.
DICK GREGORY

Angry Hell
There is a limit on how much information you can keep bottled up.
DICK GREGORY

Limitation Yourself
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
DICK GREGORY

Believe Darkness Myself
Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant, and this white waitress came up to me and said: ‘We don’t serve colored people here.’ I said: ‘that’s all right, I don’t eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken.
DICK GREGORY

Eat Food Myself Oppression People Right Time
I am really enjoying the new Martin Luther King Jr stamp – just think about all those white bigots, licking the backside of a black man.
DICK GREGORY

Black Enjoyment Man Myself
I personally would say that the quickest way to wipe out a group of people is to put them on a soul food diet.
DICK GREGORY

Food Myself People Quick Soul
The most difficult thing to get people to do is to accept the obvious.
DICK GREGORY

Acceptance Difficult People Truth
It was an unwritten law that black comics were not permitted to work white nightclubs. You could sing and you could dance, but you couldn’t stand flat-footed and talk; that was a no-no.
DICK GREGORY

Black Dance Law Sing Talk Writing
In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago, it’s a sport.
DICK GREGORY

Duty Place Right Sports Vote
I believe young voters will either vote for Obama or not vote at all. So the problem is not Obama the problem is the system. If you think about how mess up this country is, most folk really don’t have choices.
DICK GREGORY

Believe Choice Mess Myself Problem Vote
You hear entertainers all the time, saying, ‘If I couldn’t get paid for this, I’d do it for free.’ When’s the last time you ever heard a business person say, ‘If I couldn’t get paid for being chairman of British Petroleum, I’d do it for free?’
DICK GREGORY

Career Difference Freedom Time Yourself
Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten.
DICK GREGORY

Beginning Forget Marriage Politics Promise Relationship
I tell people, ‘If you want to send a message to the White House, call my house.’
DICK GREGORY

Home Myself People
People with high blood pressure, diabetes – those are conditions brought about by lifestyle. If you change the lifestyle, those conditions will leave.
DICK GREGORY

Change Health Life People
One of the things I keep learning is that the secret of being happy is doing things for other people.
DICK GREGORY

Happiness Learning Oneself People Secret
I used to get letters saying, ‘I didn’t know black children and white children were the same.’
DICK GREGORY

Black Children Myself Oppression
When you’ve got something really good, you don’t have to force it on people. They will steal it!
DICK GREGORY

Force Goodness People Yourself
I tell people, ‘If you want to send a message to the White House, call my house.’
DICK GREGORY

Home Myself People

My mother was the sweetest lady who ever lived on this planet, but if you tried to tell her that Jesus wasn’t a Christian, she would stomp you to death.

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My mother was the sweetest lady who ever lived on this planet, but if you tried to tell her that Jesus wasn’t a Christian, she would stomp you to death.

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Popular Authors

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