I never learned hate at home, or shame. I had to go to school for that.
DICK GREGORYAmerica will tolerate the taking of a human life without giving it a second thought. But don’t misuse a household pet.
More Dick Gregory Quotes
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Makes you wonder. When I left St. Louis, I was making five dollars a night. Now I’m getting $5,000 a week — for saying the same things out loud I used to say under my breath.
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Poor is a state of mind you never grow out of, but being broke is just a temporary condition.
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If all you can do is judge a person by their appearance because you don’t have the spirit to judge someone from within, you’re in trouble.
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In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago, it’s a sport.
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There’s a God force inside of you that gives you a will to live.
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We thought I was going to be a great athlete, and we were wrong, and I thought I was going to be a great entertainer, and that wasn’t it either. I’m going to be an American Citizen. First-class.
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Just being a Negro doesn’t qualify you to understand the race situation any more than being sick makes you an expert on medicine.
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The most difficult thing to get people to do is to accept the obvious.
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Once I realized the value of making people laugh, I got very good at it. Fast.
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When you shoot right and truth and justice down, the more right and truth and justice will rise up.
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Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant, and this white waitress came up to me and said: ‘We don’t serve colored people here.’ I said: ‘that’s all right, I don’t eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken.
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It was an unwritten law that black comics were not permitted to work white nightclubs. You could sing and you could dance, but you couldn’t stand flat-footed and talk; that was a no-no.
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Coconut milk is the only thing on this planet that comes identically to mother’s milk.
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If democracy is such a good thing, let’s have more of it.
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And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede.
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If it wasn’t for Abe Lincoln, I’d still be on the open market.
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I tell people, ‘If you want to send a message to the White House, call my house.’
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To me, seeing a really great comedian is a bit like watching a musician or a poet.
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Being white is a job in America. You take that away, you better get the soldiers out.
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Riches do not delight us so much with their possession, as torment us with their loss.
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I used to get letters saying, ‘I didn’t know black children and white children were the same.’
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Home was a place to be only when all other places were closed.
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I’m not a comic. I’m a humorist.
DICK GREGORY -
There is a limit on how much information you can keep bottled up.
DICK GREGORY -
If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol, and caffeine off the market for six days, they’d have to bring out the tanks to control you.
DICK GREGORY -
Did you know that in New Orleans they still have brown bag parties? What’s that, you ask? You and I go to a party, and when we get to the door, there’s a brown bag hanging down from the ceiling, and if our skin is darker than the brown bag, we can’t go in.
DICK GREGORY