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God forgive us-but most of us grew up to be the sort of men our mothers warned us against.

Brendan Behan

A pedestrian ought to be legally allowed to toss at least one hand grenade at a motorist every day.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Hands Life Modern Toss
An author’s first duty is to let down his country.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Country Down Firsts Let
I’m a Communist by day and a Catholic as soon as it gets dark.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Catholic Communist Dark
Critics are like eunuchs; they can tell you what to do, but they can’t do it themselves!
BRENDAN BEHAN

Critics Eunuchs Themselves
There is no human situation so miserable that it cannot be made worse by the presence of a policeman.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Made Miserable Situation
Shakespeare said pretty well everything and what he left out, James Joyce, with a judge from meself, put in.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Judging Said Umpires
I ruined my health drinking to other people’s.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Drinking People Ruined
Scream at God if that’s the only thing that will get results.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Prayer Results Scream
Ninety-seven saint days a year wouldn’t affect the theater, but two Yom Kippurs would ruin it.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Saint Theatre Two Years
When I’m talking to people I like to stop and quote myself. My quotes have a way of spicing up conversation.
BRENDAN BEHAN

People Talking Way
Whatever you hold in contempt is your jailer.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Contempt Jailer Prison
Failure at a task may be the result of having tackled it at the wrong time.
BRENDAN BEHAN

May Results Tasks
Many a man has decided to stay alive not because of the will to live but because of the determination not to give assorted surviving bastards the satisfaction of his death.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Determination Men Suicide
I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Children Married Painter
Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it’s done, they’ve seen it done every day, but they’re unable to do it themselves.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Criticism Editors Funny
You made one mistake. You married me.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Cynical Married Mistake
Most horror movies are certainly that.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Cinema Horror Most
What the hell difference does it make, left or right? There were good men lost on both sides.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Differences History Men
New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment… a place where you’re least likely to be bitten by a wild goat.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Country Funny Irish People Spiritual
I’m a drinker with a writing problem.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Drinkers Problem Writing
That you, sister. May you be the mother of a bishop.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Funny Humor Mother
I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Beer Summer Winter
If you accept your limitations you go beyond them.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Accepting Country Irish Limitation People
He was born an Englishman and remained one for years.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Born Country Irish People Years
There’s no bad publicity except an obituary.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Bad Obituary Publicity
I saw a notice that said “Drink Canada Dry” and I’ve just started.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Beer Drinking Food
A man is fortunate if he encounters living examples of vice, as well as of virtue, to inspire him.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Inspire Men Role Models

God forgive us-but most of us grew up to be the sort of men our mothers warned us against.

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God forgive us-but most of us grew up to be the sort of men our mothers warned us against.

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