“I saw a notice that said “Drink Canada Dry” and I’ve just started.”

And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.

You made one mistake. You married me.

It’s not that comedy has changed in terms of what’s funny. For me, it’s changed in that sometimes I don’t feel my finger is on the pulse.

I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.

Every cripple has his own way of walking.

I’m into sincerity in music and sincerity in art. If it doesn’t feel true, I don’t want to do it. Things that are too dramatic scare me. I think that’s why I don’t always fit into the world of performing arts.

Whatever you hold in contempt is your jailer.

I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

A general and a bit of shooting makes you forget your troubles … it takes your mind off the cost of living.

Most horror movies are certainly that.

I’m a Communist by day and a Catholic as soon as it gets dark.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

An author’s first duty is to let down his country.

Marijuana is like Coors beer. If you could buy the damn stuff at a Georgia filling station, youd decide you wouldnt want it.

What’s a punk band? Hey, who’s got a beer?

A theater without beer is just a museum

A redneck’s one that rides around in a truck and drinks beer and throws ’em out the window.

Well, a good ole boy is somebody that rides around in a pick-up truck – which I do – and drinks beer and puts ’em in a litter bag.

I’m celebrating my love for you with a pint of beer and a new tattoo

The people are immensely likable- cheerful, extrovert, quick-witted, and unfailingly obliging. Their cities are safe and clean and nearly always built on water. They have a society that is prosperous, well ordered, and instinctively egalitarian.

I really liked Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls and a couple of others, but with these kinds of movies the best part is the ‘talking about it over a beer afterwards’ bit – and once is kind of enough.