“I’m a Communist by day and a Catholic as soon as it gets dark.”

And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.

You made one mistake. You married me.

It’s not that comedy has changed in terms of what’s funny. For me, it’s changed in that sometimes I don’t feel my finger is on the pulse.

I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.

Every cripple has his own way of walking.

I’m into sincerity in music and sincerity in art. If it doesn’t feel true, I don’t want to do it. Things that are too dramatic scare me. I think that’s why I don’t always fit into the world of performing arts.

Whatever you hold in contempt is your jailer.

I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

A general and a bit of shooting makes you forget your troubles … it takes your mind off the cost of living.

Most horror movies are certainly that.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

I saw a notice that said “Drink Canada Dry” and I’ve just started.

An author’s first duty is to let down his country.

He should first show them in deeds rather than words all that is good and holy.

I’m very interested in the history of Christianity, and what I can say for sure is that the Catholics and the Jesuits and stuff were very big on teaching and on learning.

Yes, I think especially the Pentecostal churches, you know, that there’s been such a growth in Pentecostalism. And it’s a rejection of the much more dour and barren kind of Calvinist worship and also, the very formal Catholic forms of worship.

To be Catholic is the only way of being fully and utterly Christian.

I was raised a Catholic on both sides of the family. I went to a Catholic grade school and thought everybody in the country was Catholic, because that’s all I ever was associated with.

You can always tell the Catholic schools by the length of the cheerleaders’ skirts.

I have never been brought up a Catholic – I mean, a Roman Catholic – we’re all Catholics, aren’t we? We’re Protestant Catholics, whether we’re from Methodist or Baptist or what.

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’