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I’m a Communist by day and a Catholic as soon as it gets dark.

Brendan Behan

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Funny Marriage Sexy
It is a good deed to forget a poor joke
BRENDAN BEHAN

Deeds Forget Poor
I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Beer Summer Winter
New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment… a place where you’re least likely to be bitten by a wild goat.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Country Funny Irish People Spiritual
That you, sister. May you be the mother of a bishop.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Funny Humor Mother
I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Children Married Painter
If you accept your limitations you go beyond them.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Accepting Country Irish Limitation People
I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Country Dublin Irish Life People
I’m a drinker with a writing problem.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Drinkers Problem Writing
Many a man has decided to stay alive not because of the will to live but because of the determination not to give assorted surviving bastards the satisfaction of his death.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Determination Men Suicide
Shakespeare said pretty well everything and what he left out, James Joyce, with a judge from meself, put in.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Judging Said Umpires
A pedestrian ought to be legally allowed to toss at least one hand grenade at a motorist every day.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Hands Life Modern Toss
When I’m talking to people I like to stop and quote myself. My quotes have a way of spicing up conversation.
BRENDAN BEHAN

People Talking Way
Every cripple has his own way of walking.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Cripples Walking Way
In a society which really supported marriage the wife would be encouraged to go to the office and make love to her husband on the company’s time and with its blessing.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Blessing Husband Marriage
I cannot imagine any crime worse than taking a life, can you? -It’d depend whose life.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Capital Crime Imagine Punishment
Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it’s done, they’ve seen it done every day, but they’re unable to do it themselves.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Criticism Editors Funny
When two men fight over a woman it’s the fight they want, not the woman.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Fighting Men Two Woman
He was born an Englishman and remained one for years.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Born Country Irish People Years
An author’s first duty is to let down his country.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Country Down Firsts Let
I saw a notice that said “Drink Canada Dry” and I’ve just started.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Beer Drinking Food
Failure at a task may be the result of having tackled it at the wrong time.
BRENDAN BEHAN

May Results Tasks
Scream at God if that’s the only thing that will get results.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Prayer Results Scream
Critics are like eunuchs; they can tell you what to do, but they can’t do it themselves!
BRENDAN BEHAN

Critics Eunuchs Themselves
Ninety-seven saint days a year wouldn’t affect the theater, but two Yom Kippurs would ruin it.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Saint Theatre Two Years
A general and a bit of shooting makes you forget your troubles … it takes your mind off the cost of living.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Cost General Living Mind War
Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Country Inspirational Irish People Psychosis

I’m a Communist by day and a Catholic as soon as it gets dark.

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I’m a Communist by day and a Catholic as soon as it gets dark.

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Popular Authors

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