My haircutter figured out I whine less if I’m under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven’t given me a Brazilian wax.
BOB SAGETNot a lot of people have done this. Stop It. This is why. You can cauterize your asshole shut, so when you fart it has nowhere to go and you can have a fart attack.
More Bob Saget Quotes
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I have no agenda, nothing to control.
BOB SAGET -
Wise men say, only fools rush in. Wise men are so slow.
BOB SAGET -
Everyone I love I pay.
BOB SAGET -
My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby.
BOB SAGET -
I was on Entourage last week smoking a bong and making out with hookers and I did show them that before, cause it wasn’t a hard ‘r’ cause a lot of people are watching that show that they know, not my little one – she’s 12, but very sophisticated so it’s an unusual case.
BOB SAGET -
Stop It, stop lighting your butthol on fire, and everybody listen to me. If you light your ass on fire, I hope you have boxers or a filter of somekind, because if your a bareass person.
BOB SAGET -
I like to approach every day like it’s my first, so this morning when I woke up I covered my body with red gelatin.
BOB SAGET -
Sundays are a good day to look at the limitless possibilities of the week ahead. The key is to prolong that feeling by not reading the news.
BOB SAGET -
I’m doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it’s fantastic and it makes me very happy. I’m dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I’m working on a new tv show for cable and it’s not set up yet.
BOB SAGET -
Words matter. Especially ones with four letters.
BOB SAGET -
I wouldn’t hurt a flea. I’d finger a spider though.
BOB SAGET -
No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.
BOB SAGET -
And turkeys are a bird. A very nervous bird. You’d be nervous too if you knew that one day you’d get your head cut off and… filled with stuffing.
BOB SAGET -
I don’t censor myself, but I don’t want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.
BOB SAGET -
I have three kids, the oldest is 18 and her friends are going to see it The Aristocrats because they told her they’re going to see it, especially her guy friends.
BOB SAGET