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No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.

Bob Saget

I love telling stories and acting and entertaining people. I don’t want to make fun of people.
BOB SAGET

Acting Fun People
25, 30 years ago, that meant something, they were making some money. And they were doing all sorts of comedy, screaming at the audience, basically crowd control. And then there was the whole urban comedy scene.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Crowds Screaming Something Sort Years
My haircutter figured out I whine less if I’m under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven’t given me a Brazilian wax.
BOB SAGET

Anesthesia Given Havens
I am stressed because once I am flattened out so thin to be able to slide under a doorway, I may never be able to ever be unflattened so I could be regular sized again.
BOB SAGET

Doorways May Stressed Unflattered
Not a lot of people have done this. Stop It. This is why. You can cauterize your asshole shut, so when you fart it has nowhere to go and you can have a fart attack.
BOB SAGET

Attack Cauterize Done People
When you’re famous, you’re always famous. It doesn’t go away.
BOB SAGET

Away Famous Going
Everyone I love I pay.
BOB SAGET

Everyone Love Pay
My wife is a saint. She’s Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won’t eat.
BOB SAGET

Diapers Saint Wife
My father once told me, and it’s stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.
BOB SAGET

Fart Father Stuck
I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them
BOB SAGET

Boys Car Country Years
The squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.
BOB SAGET

Squirrels Way Yards
I’m completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.
BOB SAGET

Diets Eating Food
Paul Riser tells it in an interesting way; he dissects it and tells the structure, you know, ‘you don’t mention that part here.’ But that’s what’s interesting about it and the people who are absent are interesting too.
BOB SAGET

Interesting People Way
Think well of yourself and others will too. Unless those others are in government, banking, or show business.
BOB SAGET

Banking Government Thinking
I love my mom! You can too for $12!
BOB SAGET

Affection Emotion Love Mom
When a normal 17-year-old girl storms out of the house or 15-year-old boy is mad at his mom or dad, they’re not talking the way people talk on TV. Unless it’s cable.
BOB SAGET

Cable Storms Television Things Unless

No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.

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No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.

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