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I was lucky I wasn’t a better boxer, or that’s what I’d be now – a punchy ex-pug.

Bob Hope

The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I’ve been doing that all my life.
BOB HOPE

Bombers Bombs Hell
We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.
BOB HOPE

Courses Decide Golf Play Spring
When you get over 95, every day is your day.
BOB HOPE

Country Day Every Get Over People
The high point of the act is when he (Uri Durov) puts his head inside the bear’s huge jaws. I wouldn’t even try that with my agent.
BOB HOPE

Act Agents Funny High Inside Trying
The home videos aren’t as good, but they are seeming to get better.
BOB HOPE

Better Get Home Video
You know what a fan letter is – it’s just an inky raspberry.
BOB HOPE

Fans Letters Raspberries
A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.
BOB HOPE

Men One Line Religious
Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn’t know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He’s always had an agent for that.
BOB HOPE

Agents Lying Typical
Don’t tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.
BOB HOPE

Anything Resist Temptation
You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra.
BOB HOPE

Book Funny Reading
Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn’t hear them.
BOB HOPE

Funny Item People Telling Years
To give you an idea of how fast we travelled – we left with two rabbits and when we arrived we still had only two.
BOB HOPE

Arrive Giving Ideas Still Two
I was lucky I wasn’t a better boxer, or that’s what I’d be now – a punchy ex-pug.
BOB HOPE

Adversity Better Lucky Now Pugs
For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green
BOB HOPE

Firsts Green Oscars
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
BOB HOPE

Country Kissing Lazy Love People
Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don’t worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.
BOB HOPE

Blow Home Hurricane Tornadoes Typhoon Worry

I was lucky I wasn’t a better boxer, or that’s what I’d be now – a punchy ex-pug.

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I was lucky I wasn’t a better boxer, or that’s what I’d be now – a punchy ex-pug.

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