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I was lucky I wasn’t a better boxer, or that’s what I’d be now – a punchy ex-pug.

Bob Hope

My secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a makeup man with a spray gun.
BOB HOPE

Gun Makeup Men Spray
I don’t do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.
BOB HOPE

Country People Political Jokes
The home videos aren’t as good, but they are seeming to get better.
BOB HOPE

Better Get Home Video
The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.
BOB HOPE

Apart Dog Miles Pet Tree
Bing Crosby and I weren’t the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other.
BOB HOPE

Doing Nothing Kissing Light
I’ve always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.
BOB HOPE

Funny Inspirational Place Proactive Time
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
BOB HOPE

Day Mean Motherhood Mothers
Baseball is a soap opera that plays out day after day, one that a lot of elderly women watch until the characters and the plot becomes a part of their life.
BOB HOPE

Baseball Character Kids Personal Plot Side
A few years ago he had a big heart transplant in Chicago, a five-hour operation. It took the doctors four hours to get him on the operating table.
BOB HOPE

Doctors Funny Heart Operating Table
I’ve always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It’s an island and the audience can’t run very far.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Running
I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, ‘What do I do next?’ Pat replied, ‘Wait till the pain dies down.’
BOB HOPE

Dies Golf Pain Swings
When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things – not the great occasions – that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.
BOB HOPE

Happiness Inspirational Laughter
One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we’ll have her forever.
BOB HOPE

Balls Forever Gifts Good Greatest Laughter Thank
A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.
BOB HOPE

Men One Line Religious
There are many talented English personalities, but unfortunately they were all in Hollywood.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Personality Talented
We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.
BOB HOPE

Courses Decide Golf Play Spring

I was lucky I wasn’t a better boxer, or that’s what I’d be now – a punchy ex-pug.

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I was lucky I wasn’t a better boxer, or that’s what I’d be now – a punchy ex-pug.

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Popular Authors

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