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US President Gerald Ford’s golf was so bad we thought he was a ‘Hitman for the PGA!

Bob Hope

I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?
BOB HOPE

Addresses Government Perfect Return
The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I’ve been doing that all my life.
BOB HOPE

Bombers Bombs Hell
I’ve always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.
BOB HOPE

Funny Inspirational Place Proactive Time
You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor’s age by the rings on her fingers.
BOB HOPE

Age Calculate Fingers Rings
The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.
BOB HOPE

Funny Giving Humor
I can’t give up Golf, I’ve got too many sweaters.
BOB HOPE

Giving Golf Sweaters Up
YOU CAN ONLY DO ONE THING AT A TIME SO CONCENTRATE ON IT.
BOB HOPE

Concentrate Grandchildren One Thing Tim
I led such a sheltered life I didn’t go out with girls until I was almost four.
BOB HOPE

Four Girl Lives Sheltered
Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome – the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.
BOB HOPE

Golf Paramedic Play Trying
Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend’s house during a power failure.
BOB HOPE

Failure Girlfriend House Sex
Chiropractic is a wonderful means of natural healing!
BOB HOPE

Healing Mean Wonderful
I’ve always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It’s an island and the audience can’t run very far.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Running
Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it’s also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.
BOB HOPE

Beautiful Golf Member Successful
We didn’t know that in America after the war, you wouldn’t be able to get into a sushi joint without a reservation. And we thought they lost.
BOB HOPE

Able Although Country Lost Reservation
The firm is really ahead of the times. It has a stock market ticker that prints its report on thin aspirins.
BOB HOPE

Aspirin Firm Print Times
I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
BOB HOPE

Caring Funny Laughter Transform Unbearable

US President Gerald Ford’s golf was so bad we thought he was a ‘Hitman for the PGA!

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US President Gerald Ford’s golf was so bad we thought he was a ‘Hitman for the PGA!

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