We were in front of a live audience and I would be acting with the man who was playing my lover, and we used those words, and the audience would titter and laugh, and make me uncomfortable doing the scenes. …
BILLY CRYSTALWhen comedy is good, it’s jazz. The beats of it, the looseness, the improvisational part, the music-the way you hit the inflection, the high notes of a joke. It’s all melody to me.
More Billy Crystal Quotes
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When you realize you want to invest the rest of your lifestyle with somebody, you want the rest of your life to commence as quickly as achievable.
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I don’t like heights. This is why I stopped growing at fifth grade.
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At 60, I could do the same things I could do at 30, if I could only remember what those things are.
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You give up your dream, you give up.
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There’s only, I think, in life, three things that I do pretty well: Performing, I still can field ground balls, and I make nice kids.
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I was introducing [director and producer] Hal Roach – Mr. Roach was 100 years old, he was one of the fathers of early days in films, he put Laurel with Hardy, he created the Our Gang kids, and all these silent movies he did – he was a giant.
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I love doing it [hosting the Oscars] because I love the danger of it and you have to come through and think on your feet.
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I’m going to go on just living and laughing and loving.
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I’m a sucker for a free tuxedo.
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If you do something for the first time, you will always remember it. If your Dad has something to do with it, you write about it.
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I think when I feel I’m at my best is when I’m on stage, and it’s my version of jazz because it’s just riffing or something.
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Dad had a music store, and he’d often bring home comedy albums that I would listen to. I started listening to Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby, and developing taste. They really influenced my style of comedy.
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In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.
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When we had the girls, my daughter Jenny gave us like a Bible from my daughter of, “Don’t feed them this; don’t feed them that, if she says this, don’t say that,” It was crazy!
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I had really good hearing and when you’re scared it gets heightened so you hear scratching noises or something.
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I’m married – I’ve caught my limit.
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When comedy is good, it’s jazz. The beats of it, the looseness, the improvisational part, the music-the way you hit the inflection, the high notes of a joke. It’s all melody to me.
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At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn’t have something to say on a nightly basis.
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There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there’s usually only one thing you can do. Go through his clothes and look for loose change.
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Change is such hard work.
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Even when I was in school shows, in elementary school doing plays, I’d always go off book and start improvising.
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Kids need a happy household. They need to be loved and supported in their dreams. And I don’t think you can make your kids’ dreams your own. They need you to support them in their dreams.
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The Passion of the Christ opened up on Ash Wednesday, had a Good Friday.
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I’m comfortable being old… being black… being Jewish.
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You have to always remember they’re not your own kids. Play with them, love them, spoil them to death – then hand them back.
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Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
BILLY CRYSTAL