Kids need a happy household. They need to be loved and supported in their dreams. And I don’t think you can make your kids’ dreams your own. They need you to support them in their dreams.
BILLY CRYSTALIn high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.
More Billy Crystal Quotes
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I used to limp around my neighborhood imitating him. I did my Bar Mitzvah with an Oklahoma drawl.
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We were in front of a live audience and I would be acting with the man who was playing my lover, and we used those words, and the audience would titter and laugh, and make me uncomfortable doing the scenes. …
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I think when I feel I’m at my best is when I’m on stage, and it’s my version of jazz because it’s just riffing or something.
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From the first time I saw Sid Caesar be funny I knew that’s what I had to do.
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I have 40-something intros [that Davis Jr. did]; all are different, none of them happened. And it was hilarious.
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You have to always remember they’re not your own kids. Play with them, love them, spoil them to death – then hand them back.
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At 60, I could do the same things I could do at 30, if I could only remember what those things are.
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I’m going to go on just living and laughing and loving.
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At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn’t have something to say on a nightly basis.
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I started examining history and then everything related to the theater. History, art, all the other studies, if I could link them into the theater, then it became alive for me. It just opened up my eyes.
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Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
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I’m a baby. I sleep like a baby – I’m up every two hours. And I think a lot. I worry a lot. I have great nights of no sleep where ideas come.
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I’ve always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That’s why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it’s how we connect, it reminds us we’re alive, it’s the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.
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Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead.
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That’s why that show, no matter who hosts it, it really should be a fast-thinking comedian who is really quick on their feet that can handle situations that happen, or somebody with that kind of mentality that can capitalize on something.
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A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it’s really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it’s great.
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Change is such hard work.
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Dad had a music store, and he’d often bring home comedy albums that I would listen to. I started listening to Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby, and developing taste. They really influenced my style of comedy.
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I never stopped believing in us and I never felt like I was wanting for anything, except for my father, and that was not going to be. I describe in the book [that] I don’t think I ever felt young again in that way.
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I love doing it [hosting the Oscars] because I love the danger of it and you have to come through and think on your feet.
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There’s only, I think, in life, three things that I do pretty well: Performing, I still can field ground balls, and I make nice kids.
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Nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.
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Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America’s biggest export is now the Oscar.
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I don’t like heights. This is why I stopped growing at fifth grade.
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Even when I was in school shows, in elementary school doing plays, I’d always go off book and start improvising.
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I always came away thinking “I’d like to see her more,” you know? And then when [Parental Guidance] was ready to be cast, we thought – Bette [Midler]. So we called her.
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