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When I’ve gotten criticism, it’s that it’s too long, too soft, didn’t hit the government hard enough. Then when I do hit the government, they go, What’s he doing hitting the government?

Billy Crystal

I had really good hearing and when you’re scared it gets heightened so you hear scratching noises or something.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Hearing Noise Scared
I always came away thinking “I’d like to see her more,” you know? And then when [Parental Guidance] was ready to be cast, we thought – Bette [Midler]. So we called her.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Guidance Now Then Thinking
At 60, I could do the same things I could do at 30, if I could only remember what those things are.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Remember Same Things
There’s only, I think, in life, three things that I do pretty well: Performing, I still can field ground balls, and I make nice kids.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Kids Nice Thinking
As a director and an actor, I encourage improvisation but in character and in the moment of what it is.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Actors Character Directors
A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it’s really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it’s great.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Couple Laughing People
Don’t give up your power.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Don't Give Up Giving Up Power
Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Clothes Differences Looks
I’m a sucker for a free tuxedo.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Country Free Life Sucker
Bambi, to a kid, was scary.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Comedy Kids Scary
That’s the thing about jazz: it’s free flowing, it comes from your soul.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Comedy Jazz Soul
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Inspirational Life Wise
I was introducing [director and producer] Hal Roach – Mr. Roach was 100 years old, he was one of the fathers of early days in films, he put Laurel with Hardy, he created the Our Gang kids, and all these silent movies he did – he was a giant.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Father Introducing Kids Producer Years
I’m comfortable being old… being black… being Jewish.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Being Black Comedy Old
I’m a baby. I sleep like a baby – I’m up every two hours. And I think a lot. I worry a lot. I have great nights of no sleep where ideas come.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Baby Night Sleep
It is better to look good than to feel good.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Comedian Feel Good Looks

When I’ve gotten criticism, it’s that it’s too long, too soft, didn’t hit the government hard enough. Then when I do hit the government, they go, What’s he doing hitting the government?

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When I’ve gotten criticism, it’s that it’s too long, too soft, didn’t hit the government hard enough. Then when I do hit the government, they go, What’s he doing hitting the government?

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Billy Crystal Quotes