There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
BILLY CONNOLLYLearn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far.
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I think age is terribly overrated. You’re okay as long as you don’t grow up. By all means grow old, but don’t mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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I’m a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world’s a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they’re delightful. They all want so little.
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
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I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
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A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
BILLY CONNOLLY