A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
BILLY CONNOLLYI love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
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I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
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People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
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Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
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I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.
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As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
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Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
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The more you know the less the better.
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I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
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