When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
BILLY CONNOLLYI love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head — supposedly for people to drive along the highway with.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
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People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
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I used to be a folk singer, but I was… dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
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I loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone.
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I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.
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There’s nothing like it, but it’s not as good as you think it’s going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club’s badge – but not a sausage.
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Try to live in a place you like.
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Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.
BILLY CONNOLLY