I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.
BILLY CONNOLLYI love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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I don’t aim to offend.
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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If I had a hammer, there’d be no more folksingers.
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It’s my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.
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Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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Acting is a different discipline. On stage I’m free to say what I please. But the change is very good for ya.
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I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I’m desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I’m going back, but I’m not. I’d rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
BILLY CONNOLLY






