I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
BILLY CONNOLLYI love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
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A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They’ve been offending other people for centuries.
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I don’t believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don’t want to say I don’t believe in God, but I don’t think I do. But I believe in people who do.
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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The more you know the less the better.
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I don’t have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I’ve done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that’s mostly what I’m offered.
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Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
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I’d always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
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The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
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Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
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Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
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I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.
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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here?
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I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
BILLY CONNOLLY