My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don’t eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
BILLY CONNOLLYMy advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don’t eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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Behind the proscenium arch, you can’t always hear what people in the audience are saying.
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I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
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When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
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Try to live in a place you like.
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
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If you want to lose a bit of weight, don’t eat anything out of a bucket.
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A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
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I loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone.
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I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.
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I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
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There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
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I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
BILLY CONNOLLY