I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
BILLY CONNOLLYThe more you know the less the better.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly
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American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head — supposedly for people to drive along the highway with.
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Don’t work out, work in.
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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Behind the proscenium arch, you can’t always hear what people in the audience are saying.
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People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
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I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
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Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
BILLY CONNOLLY