I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.
BILLY CONNOLLYAs soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
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I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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didn’t even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
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Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
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I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
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I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
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If you want to lose a bit of weight, don’t eat anything out of a bucket.
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The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.
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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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I just believe in the movie. I don’t care what the book was like. I don’t care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I’ve got.
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I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
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I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
BILLY CONNOLLY