If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
BILLY CONNOLLYThe only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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If you give people a chance, they shine.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
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I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
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When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
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Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
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I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
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Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
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I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
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[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.
BILLY CONNOLLY