Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
BILLY CONNOLLYTry to live in a place you like.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
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I loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone.
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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I just believe in the movie. I don’t care what the book was like. I don’t care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I’ve got.
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People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.
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I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.
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I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
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When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
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I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.
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Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
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American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head — supposedly for people to drive along the highway with.
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[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.
BILLY CONNOLLY