If I had a hammer, there’d be no more folksingers.
BILLY CONNOLLYTry to live in a place you like.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. … That can keep me awake for days.
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Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
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I’ve never done a comedy club in my life. It’s weird because I don’t have the same background as most comics. I don’t have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.
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I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
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There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
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Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
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I’d always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
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I used to be a folk singer, but I was… dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
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When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
BILLY CONNOLLY