I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
BILLY CONNOLLYI’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
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There’s nothing better than a fight, especially when you’re watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he’s a big Jessie!
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There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
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Try to live in a place you like.
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Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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Sometimes there’s a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I’ve ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.
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When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
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The more you know the less the better.
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[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.
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I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. … That can keep me awake for days.
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I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
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I’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
BILLY CONNOLLY